http://www.youtube.com/v/Hjm-aunjxVQ
Doesn’t it seem like forever since American Idol last week? My husband is out of town for the rest of the week and I have the TV and the DVR all to myself. I did have to remember to record the Cavs games for him but those shouldn’t interfere with my schedule. A number of my shows are ending so I am feeling less and less married to the TV. It is a nice feeling. Now if only I stick to my guns and not replace that new free time with other shows. I won’t do it… I won’t. I won’t let you people convince me to watch Dancing with the Stars. I won’t get into Grey’s or Lost. I have a number of quirky shows that I am so committed to… I just can’t help myself. I just don’t have anymore time people. Puh-lease… Pale Ryan introduces the show and the contestants. He also lets us know that it is British invasion week and there is a clip showing the day the Beatles landed in NY on flight number something-or-other. See the crazy fans… crying and covering their faces? Remember that… it will be more important later. British invasion apparently represented more than just the Beatles… there were the Stones, the Kinks, some Hermit Crab Group, some chick named Lulu with really really long thick eyelashes, and a bunch of other groups I can’t remember. Remember… I say that like I was around for the invasion. Anywho… I do recognize some of the songs just can’t say that the groups were anything but one hit wonders. We learn that eyelash girl is coaching the girls this week and Peter something-or-other from the Hermit Crabs is coaching the boys. Peter certainly is a jolly old chap now isn’t he? And Lulu has seriously toned down the mascara. She is teeny tiny… like crazy tiny. My goodness she does have a big voice for such a tiny person, huh?
Hottie Haley is up first. Yes… I am talking about something other than her voice. OK OK… voice first. The song started and I cringed but Haley did get into the vocals as it went on. By the end I thought it sounded nice… not great… not bad just nice. Haley looked hot though. I thought she looked beeeeautiful last week and now she just turned up the hotness factor. Hello short shorts. The legs were nice but distracting. I found myself turning my head to the side to see if the shirt was double sided taped on or if it had one of those faux clear straps holding it in place. Since I saw nothing I am going with the double sided tape theory. I was also trying to remember that clip of her fiancé… is he this good looking too? I can’t remember. Oh… she’s done. Randy really liked it while Simon went with the naughty girl comment. Did ya’ll notice that Paula is wearing giant red jelly beans or Hot Tamales or something around her neck?
Um… I don’t think Peter was being all that nice to Chris when he was coaching him. Nice. OK… Chris Richardson broke free of my Timberfake name for tonight. He didn’t try to dance and thrash around and his song was a little slower tempo. It was actually quite nice. I like the acoustic guitar thing and Chris was surprisingly pretty good. It would have been great if it wasn’t so nasally. It sounded even more nasally at the end when they recapped the show for us. Giant live guitar screen saver behind Chris was also a little too busy but I get where they were going with it so I guess I can let that slide. Next time the producers really should check with me before they make these decisions. And I laugh and I laugh. Huh huh…
Stephanie acted surprised with Lulu told her that she reminded her of Beyonce. Puh-lease. Like she didn’t kiss her little Beyonce University diploma on her way out the door that morning. Anyway, Stephanie sang the least like Beyonce since we’ve met her and it wasn’t good. I was visible uncomfortable through the whole performance. I was squirming on my couch and so tempted to hit the fast forward button but I didn’t want to miss the good part. Um… OK… could have hit the fast forward button. Her dress hugged her usually frail frame in all the wrong places. Can you believe no one said anything about the outfit other than Paula… who loved it (what?!?!?). Next.
The one man show is up next and I am thinking he listened a little to last week’s advice and steered clear of rearranging the whole dang song on his PC before meeting with the band. His arrangement was basically the song we knew but he added some fun Blake-isms. Didn’t you think it was funny the way Peter seemed to really like Blake (quite a change from how he felt about Chris, huh?). Funny when he said he wouldn’t sit in the front row with all that spitting from Blake’s beat-boxing. Remember that comment… it will come in handy later. I know I am asking you to remember certain things today… it really is important though. Stay with me. I was genuinely impressed with Blake’s performance. I am also acutely aware of how thin Blake’s lips are and how crooked his mouth gets when he pulls for the power note (he he)… I know… unimportant. It is all just part of the Blake we love people. Was it Blake or Chris R. who had the funny plaid pants… now that I think about it… I think they both wore plaid. Is plaid the new black? Do I need some plaid in my wardrobe? I don’t want to get out of style or anything. OK back to the show. Whoa… Pale Ryan danced a little jig with Blake. That was fun. Many fans for Blake in the audience. Showin’ the love.
Apparently forgettable Lakisha (you’ll understand later) can’t decide between 2 songs. She decides to ignore advice and go with her favorite. I can’t say that I blame her. She has to feel it… she can’t forget the words… she gets bling bling if she goes with Diamonds Are Forever. I was just talking about the Bond flicks as I just saw Casino Royale over the weekend. Good flick by the way. I didn’t think I was going to like Daniel Craig as Bond but he surprised me. Reviewing the movie could be a whole different post so I will refrain at this time. I also wouldn’t want to ruin the ending for you or anything. Little trivia though… did you know that Casino Royale was the first book. It wasn’t part of the Bond movie series we love yet when it was made into a 1 hour American TV show… they even called him Jimmy Bond… that just sounds silly now. It was then made in to a British kind of spoof comedy movie in the 60’s. I think after that the people who now own the Bond name purchased all rights and started making the Sean Connery flicks. Thank you. OK back to Lakisha. Again… all the lighting stops are pulled with all the glittery white specks flying all over the place. I somehow want the jumbo-tron to be showing retro Bond movie opening sequences… not this strange light show. Well hello Lakisha’s jumble-eees. Meet Lucy and Marge. I am hoping Lucy and Marge don’t pop out to dance any time soon. Stand very still… very still. Other than Lucy and Marge… the dress is great. It has a very flattering waist line, length and color for Lakisha. I am with Simon on this one… way too old. Lakisha also has the same crooked mouth as Blake. She has better lips though. I know… so interesting.
Phil didn’t surprise me when he landed in the bottom last week. He had better come out and wow me tonight. In the clip they show of Phil singing to Hermit Crab man Phil sounds pretty darn good. The Crab seems impressed too. Was that a different song or something? There is nothing good about this performance I am seeing. I do notice that Phil uses the ENTIRE VAST stage… he is all over the place. I am laughing at the efforts he is taking to get from one side to the other. He throws his hands apart wide when he goes for the really high glory notes but I am mildly uncomfortable. Granted, I am not squirming like I was with Stephanie but this isn’t good people. Phil doesn’t look the part of super star and the vocals just aren’t there. He seems to either really care what the judges are saying or he is a teacher’s pet kind of person. Either way it is a little annoying. I think Phil is genuinely a nice person but just out of his league here. There’s a word with a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” which stands for pool. That “T” word… that is what Phil is in.
Holy cow Jordin makes Lulu look like a leprechaun… Jordin must be amazonish. She made Ryan look really short last week. Remember in years past when the judges would say that some of our teenagers just didn’t have the experience or “bravo” to pull off a lot of their songs. OK… this always annoyed me because they are the ones who wanted youngins… heck they didn’t even raise the age limit until a couple years ago. And even with the increased age… they still put through teenagers and then were harsh on them for being young. OK… enough griping… where was I going with that? Jordin does not have this problem. She rocks. She sang this melancholy song as if she has lived and learned baby. I feel like she has been there… in the 60’s… heartbroken… nose pressed up again the glass. I wonder if she squashed her nose on the glass and then wiped it down like we did when we were kids. Anyway… I digress… it was lovely. The tone, vibrato, power, pitch… awesome. Jordin is one of my favorites of the night.
At some point… I can’t remember when… Pale Ryan found Peter Crab in the audience and had a little conversation with him. Lulu must not be here. Did you notice the guy behind Mr. Crab? It was either the guy who does the missing children thing or the guy who played Mr. Peterman on Seinfeld or someone else like that. He was SOMEBODY… I am quite sure of it. Now if only I could place him.
Sanjaya rocked it out tonight. I was expecting meek and mild but we received a roaring tiger. Where did this come from? Just thinking that I thought I thinked I thought I knew him. Man… I am all flustered by this one. There is hair band thrashing… revealing shirted sister in the audience… Sanjaya growling, etc. Sanjaya petrifies a strange little blue nailed girl in the audience. Wait a minute… she loves it. She is overcome with joy… just like those crazy Beatles fans when flight something-or-other landed in NY. It is like the Sanjaya invasion or something. Was this girl planted? Is this for real? It looks like she is wincing with pain but me thinks it might be a smile? Well now we know who has been keeping this boy in the competition this long. If only the show were on at 9pm instead of 8pm. It would be past bedtime and these crazy little girl children would be in bed and not able to vote. I don’t know whether to be concerned or laugh myself silly. I go with the latter and have to excuse myself to the bathroom. This much laughing after having a couple babies and one can’t hold it forever people. I need to go potty before I explode. There is nothing to say to Sanjaya at this point. Does he know he is all singed out? He can’t get any better so he might as well bring the entertainment factor. Well Sanjaya buddy… you brought it hard. Props.
Didn’t you think Gina could sing? At first I was distracted by the metal in the mouth but she overcame and proved that she does have a voice. She even managed pretty well given that she was forced to sing Diana Ross people. One would think that being able to pick a Rolling Stones song would make Gina shine. Um… not so much. Gina was so off. Her vibrato sounded like me trying to force a vibrato out of my untrained body when I am driving down a bumpy road. Did you ever try that? Bumpy roads will create the sound that your body can’t seem to force out of its system on its own. It is amazing what a few potholes and piles of rocks will do for your singing voice. Superstar. I find myself staring off in to space as I think about all the times my voice sounded good. The bumpy car rides, when I had a serious cold and I had a super sexy deep sound, I can’t say that I am so bad at that song The Old Rugged Cross… I rock that song out ya’ll. Look up… Gina’s still singing… she looks good… all hard rocker and stuff but the sound is excruciating. Worst of the night. I feel bad for her as she has to hear the judges trash her song. You know she tried… it just wasn’t good. She’ll hear it when she plays it back later. One of the judges said something about Gina kicking the mic stand… how very rocker of her. I totally missed the whole thing. Did they show it? Was I just daydreaming about my version of The Old Rugged Cross?
The other Chris (Jack) starts off his meeting with Mr. Crab by talking about being sexy or something. I am thinking this was a joke but no one seems to be laughing… they continue the conversation very seriously. I am confused and seeing as how Chris-Jack’s song has nothing to do with that conversation, I just delete that whole memory from my head. Chris-Jack sounded good I guess. I don’t really like it. It isn’t terrible like the last performance but it isn’t great either. My favorite part about this performance is that he almost took Paula out with the mic stand when he was up on the skinny stage behind the judges. I am laughing. Chris-Jack can’t seem to decide what to do with the microphone. Did you notice it to? Mic stand on the floor with mic in the stand… mic on the stand and hold the stand… swing the stand around… pull mic from stand and leave stand behind… reverse… ahhhh… make it stop. It stops. Chris-Jack’s shirt is ½ tucked in for this performance but did you notice that in the recap the shirt was all the way untucked… proof that the recaps are prerecorded. I always look for the differences.
Idol read my review last week and felt bad that they were dealing out 2 short straws. One to the first performer and one to the person who has to follow Melinda Doolittle (just can’t type that without the fun last name). They alleviated that problem by sticking Melinda in the coveted last spot this week. Melinda Doolittle got a hair cut or got rid of extensions or something. She has my mom’s hair now. I think I like it. She still doesn’t have my mom’s neck. Mom has a nice long neck. Melinda Doolittle… not so much. It is OK though… this chick is so talented it doesn’t matter. Somewhere in there God implanted a nice set of vocal chords… don’t know where but they are in there. Melinda seems to be wisely getting away from the awe shucks demeanor… Simon is the one who keeps bring it up. Enough already. Remember I told you to remember that Peter O’Crabs didn’t want to sit in the front row with all the beat box spit spewing from Blake? Well I am sure he is glad he is a few rows back… Melinda was spraying through this one. She sounds good and controlled as always. I think it is a super boring song and there isn’t much that Melinda can do with it. She is so d-a-r-n-e-d (I realize that if I don’t add the dashes it may appear that I am swearing… um no) talented that I think I am unfairly expecting too much out of her at this point. I need to change that and just enjoy her performances already.
Flash to blue nailed wincing girl child. Is she OK? Is her mom there? What is wrong with this one?
I got to the end of this review and noticed that I forgot Lakisha… that isn’t a good sign. I am on my way back up the page to insert her in the proper spot. Yikes Lakisha… all that bling and I still didn’t remember you.
In all it was one of my favorite theme nights. It afforded the idols enough freedom to pick something good for them and was fun. What a fun time for music, huh? Sanjaya should be gone… heck he should have been gone long ago. Maybe the relatively entertaining performance will make his minions feel he is a little too safe? Wishful thinking. If we have a country full of blue nail girl children we are in trouble. It is past bed-time though. Phil is in trouble… Stephanie too. Maybe Gina… time will tell. Over and out.
